As spring ever so slowlyyyy starts to let us know that it could, potentially be on its way soon to New York, I’m feeling a light tug from an undercurrent reminding me that I’ll turn 30 in June. Every now and again, this tide pulls me under for a moment into anxiety or worry - a feeling I may not have “done enough” by this turn of a decade.
I try not to let it grab ahold of me for too long, reminding myself that inking every check box I had set to complete by 30 was never realistic, and that I discovered so many unexpected things about myself along the way. What calms me most when I start to get into this panic, is the idea that things you may have thought were accomplishments are never actually done. They’re not complete. True growth in life requires a constant pruning back of the dead leaves that no longer serve you.
Sometimes the social construct that tells us, “every day is another chance to start over! to get to the gym! to ask for the raise!” exhausts me. While yes, every day brings the space for improvement, I like to think that the fact that we are conscious of the things we want to change is itself, a small bud of growth that does a tiny bit of unfurling each night when we sleep or meditate on it. I don’t want to wake up each day thinking I should wipe the slate clean or have a specific goal accomplished.
The gripping of life so tightly may never allow the true depth of our achievements to grow.
Instead, I believe in the simple fact that it is just never too late. I find myself playing that mantra over in my mind when the undercurrent begins to pull. My past successes and failures don’t define me. Nor does someone else’s timeline. We are always shifting. Some days we are fighting to stay calm amidst an undertow and on other days, we are making our own waves.
It is never too late to remind yourself you will be OK.
To accept someone for who they are.
To show up.
To hear someone else’s side of the story.
To forgive yourself.
To let go of a narrative.
To laugh at yourself.
To be humbled.
To be cared for by someone else.
To write your story.
To put your phone away.
To go for a walk.
To take a deep breath.
To stop analyzing. Stand back. And let it go.