I’m sure I’m not the only one overwhelmed by the idea of New Years Resolutions. I’ve never really been into making big changes in winter except for promising to make more crockpot meals and to find fleece-lined pants that are acceptable work attire. Anyone else from the East Coast agree? It’s just too cold! I’ve got the inherent academic clock still ticking within me, so I tend to get excited for big shifts and goal setting in September and June.
So for this new calendar year, I’ve decided to bring to the surface of my consciousness just three words that I want to live by. I’m not expecting dramatic changes overnight, and I also think I’ve been slowly making small tweaks over the past few months. But directly calling out what I want to do and why is important. So here are the three words that will be on my 2019 mind playlist, set to repeat:
I think forgetting how to trust your gut is normal in your 20’s. I hope it is - because I definitely did! There’s a lot of comparison, self-doubt and questioning that we face when little decisions can add up to what we perceive as big life choices. What I’m trying to do is erase the layers of noise that I’ve let build up over the past few years and focus back on the quiet peacefulness of intuition. I really do believe your intuition comes from a place of stillness. When we start to look to others for answers or begin to imitate or envy - that’s when the noise and chaos make a home in our bodies and minds. So, here’s to stepping back, being quiet and letting silence mean more than sound.
For a long time, I’ve told myself that being afraid of things is just part of my personality. I think that it’s in my DNA and just a normal part of being human - to an extent. I also believe that being afraid is a habit that we can easily form and have a hard time breaking. Looking back, I’ve allowed myself to fear some quirky and then some major things from being upside down in a handstand to asking for a raise. Is there a way to live completely without fear? I have no idea. And I don’t know if that would necessarily be a good thing. But I would like to look critically at the things I’ve given myself allowance to fear and ask myself WHY? What’s the worst case scenario of a situation I’m too scared to put myself in? What part about saying yes to a new opportunity can’t be undone if it ends poorly?
Ah, the one we hear the most and I feel is the hardest to truly understand. There’s an endless list of quotes about the matter from, “Forgive, but never forget” to MLK Jr.’s “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.” Matching every problematic situation or person with pure forgiveness is truly a saint’s work. It goes hand in hand with compassion, letting things go, living in the moment and all those other really wonderful but difficult ways of choosing to face life. I’ll be honest: I don’t know how some people forgive those who have transgressed against them. Some acts of violence and hate we hear about in the news just seem too much. To forgive is a monumental shift in how you choose to live every moment of your life. To hold back from punishment and condemnation and drop the feeling that a debt is owed - I think that is the purest form of standing in your own power. It’s the decision that someone else’s actions won’t control yours. Isn’t it wild to think how much anger or resentment we hold onto out of the belief that it’s better than just giving all of it up? When has it actually served me to not forgive myself, or someone else?